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YOU'RE SHIT, AND YOU KNOW YOU ARE!

Love It Or Hate It, The Hall Of Shame Is Here To Stay

Let's be honest here, we have all questioned manager's dodgy signings and dubious substitutions, but this section is for those particular County players from the past who have made you go 'ummmm?' The players that made you scream, "You're Shit Aaargh!"

When God was giving out Penises, these players said, "over 'ere son, on me 'ead". The players not fit to wear the shirt. Just like Mssrs McGoldrick (pictured), Palmer, Daly, Flowers, Mair and Nixon.

The latest entrant into the Hall Of Shame is Richard Lambert. Keep checking back for more entrants, or if you think of any others who deserve to be in County's version of Room 101, email us or if you don't agree with any of the entrants, send us your comments...!

CALAMITY KEEPERS

Brad Jones - "Rodney Trotter In Gloves"

Tim Flowers - "Premier League - You're Having A Laff!"

Ian Gray - "Rated At Rochdale, Hated At County"

Carl Ikeme - (pictured) "Uninterested"

Eric Nixon - "Eric Is A City Fan!"

Chris Adamson - "Teflon Gloves"

DODGY DEFENDERS

Lee Mair - "Nightmair!"

Jason Van Blerk - "0% commitment, 100% bad language!"

Dave Challinor - (pictured) "His Tackle Even Made Roy Keane Wince"

Colin Woodthorpe - "Twenty One Minutes"

Carlton Palmer - "Nearly £6,000,000 spent on him!"

MUDDLING MIDFIELDERS

Richard Sneekes - (pictured) "What A Let Down!"

Layton Maxwell - "The New Michael Owen? George Michael More Like!"

Eddie McGoldrick - "County Play In Blue!"

Graham Branch - "Milk Turned Quicker!"

Wayne Phillips - "How Could I Forget This Muppet!"

Richard Lambert - "Can't Run, Won't Run"

Harpal Singh - "The Tampon"

FLAPPING FORWARDS

Marvin Robinson - "A Waste Of Air, Not Just Shirt"

Jermaine Easter - (pictured) "You're Not As Good As Christmas"

Ben Burgess - "£400,000 Of Pure Unadulterated Shite!"

Ken Charlery - "Incompetent!"

Jon Daly - "A Striker!?!?!"

Brian Carrigan - "Over-weight, Over-paid and Over The Limit!"

Vasilios Kalogeracus - "An Antipodean Ape!" 

Aaron Wilbraham - "Head Like The Top Of A Piano!"

Chris Armstrong - "The Wrong Chris Armstrong"

Adie Mike - "£15,000 a game!"

Ian Lawson - "Always Offside"

Can't Run Won't Run

On You Tube there is a video that is entitled "The Sopranos In 7 Minutes" - it doesn't you the whole story, but there is no denying, everything about the show is just sheer class.

The "Rickie Lambert In 7 Minutes" slot, however, would have you thinking you're about to sign Zinedine Zidane. Thirty yard free kicks, stunning volleys, scissor kicks et al...!

What it won't show, is a miserable, down-trodden, greedy, bone-idle Scouse twat, more like "Can't Run, Won't Run".

Maybe Lambo-ghini (sic) will become the first player to enter the Hall Of Shame for what he did AFTER leaving County, from the x-rated tirade at Bristol Rovers to the texting of his old County team mates after they pipped us to the Play Offs a few years back.

He has certainly become the first Hall Of Shamer who won the Player Of The Year Award while at EP, so he ain't all bad, but he certainly ain't all that either.

"Twenty One Minutes"

When Ginger Mourinho grabbed Colin Woodthorpe for a then massive 120k from Aberdeen, he repaid this figure with some barnstorming displays at full back.

A superb volley at Mansfield, a belting free kick at Swindon and juicy winner at Bolton, but it was at home where most of his calamities fell, and in one particular game in August 1998, when basement division side Hull City came to town for a League Cup First Round first leg encounter which sent Woody from hero to zero and an instant place into the HoS.

He slipped inside ten minutes to gift City the lead, six minutes later his attempted back pass bisected the keeper and two Coutny defenders and Hull were two up. Megson hauled him off minutes later as County raced back to 2-2 only to go out on the away goals rule in the second leg.

If you are two down and subbed within twenty-one minutes, you know it's a bad day. 

"Teflon-Gloves"

A Gannon panic-signing soon became one of The Gaffer's worst ever when the woeful Chris Adamson came to County in June 2007.

Adamson came with a wealth of experience and supposedly dominated his box very well, however it seemed apparent that the 'box' in question was his plasma on the wall and even then he probably dropped the remote. 

Has been living like a gyppo down the years, including loan spells at Mansfield, Halifax and some unknown Swedish outfit called IK Brage. Then, we realised why no club wanted him.

Although he signed in the June, he made his full County debut - bearing in mind he was given the number one jersey by Gannon at the start of the season - in the November against Staines where he managed to scoop a daisy-cutter into the path of a striker to gift them a replay.

He hardly made the world sit up and take notice in the televised replay.

Was beaten by the balloons on the goal-line and after only two games was released when Gannon finally binned this guy out of EP with his teflon gloves in hot pursuit. 

A look at his career shows he was ready made for the HoS when he made just ten appearances for Sheffield Wednesday, with one coming in a forgettable Carling Cup game, when Adamson was left red faced by lowly Wrexham, The Welsh team coming away from Hillsborough with a 4-1 win.

A face like Plug from The Bash Street Kids (ask your dad) and a drink-drive ban to boot, Adamson joins a long list of low life that have graced EP down the years, thank fuck he was only at County a year.

"You're Not As Good As Christmas!"

Eleven goals in twenty-one Hatters appearances, Jermaine Maurice Easter was bound to leave County sooner or later and would hardly be the sort of player for the Hall Of Shame, but what makes this twat a prime contender was his attitude to his colleagues and eventually how he eventually held County ransom and snubbed much better financial deals before his 'dream move' (sic) that made him the number one hate figure for County until Kingdom-come.

Smacked Michael Malcolm (allegedly) in the dressing room after training, called Danny Boshell a c*** (on the pitch, we all heard it) and also wrote off his car in a fit of rage after a home defeat.

Then his strong desire to leave County made the fans spitting feathers; firstly fellow strugglers Oxford offered a decent wad to County for JE's services, but as his street-cred would have been damaged, he snubbed the offer. Then came Bristol City, offering a tidy packet for Jermaine and County, an invitation to League One and a possible debut against Swansea, as seeing as he's a Cardiff lad surely this would have made him jump?

No, he wanted to join a massive club. He joined Wycombe...! Then went public to stop the booing when he was due back at Edgeley Park...aww diddums...!

In reality, judging by the positions in the league Wycombe was indeed a step up, but his move also co-incided with The Chairboys' slip from automatic promotion certs to slipping out of the hunt completely. Oh how we laughed. And we would have been pissing ourselves when we heard what he was doing to Wycombe - refusing the play until he got his desired move(yet again a truly massive club...Plymouth!)

Get over yourself Jermaine, you loser...!

"The Tampon"

According to Leeds United, Harpal Singh was a hot prospect from a top club (sic), capped at India U-21 level and was mooted from all levels to be really top notch and had the world as his oyster.

So what remains a real mystery of Agatha Christie levels is with all this world-wide acclaim surrounding him, why the f*** did Harpal Singh go to Stockport County?

Was this a ploy by Leeds to bin him off without paying him compensation? Or was he genuinely injured? Was he an average player in a poor (ish) team? Or did he just believe his own hype?

I admit, on his debut at Oldham, he was truly awesome, his pace bamboozled the Latics defence and his step-overs and lollypops would have made C.Ronaldo green with envy.

So, I hear you ask, why 'The Tampon'? Well he was in for a week, and out for three. 

Fifteen months and only twenty nine games later, Singhy might as well have stayed away for the other twenty eight. Utterly useless. When he first arrived at County, just his presence on the pitch gave County fans a buzz - "skin him" the crowd would shout, but after just three or four games, "use your man" was more apt. 

He scored. Once. Against Northampton Town at EP, and when he was fit, his left leg was OK. His right? Like playing snooker with a piece of rope. 

His tricks, which include his signature spin on one crutch is currenty wowing hundreds in that football hotbed of Ireland.  

"The Wrong Chris Armstrong"

For the want of a better phrase, "poo" springs to mind.

County have had ex-England Internationals in their ranks in the past, and even have bought players from non-league who have been a success, but when Chris Turner snapped up the temporary signing of Chris Armstrong, we were all expecting the arrival of the former Crystal Palace, Tottenham and Wrexham striker.

We were to be quickly reminded that although you have a good footballer's name, you have to make sure you have a footballer's talent too. When I first saw 'this' Chris Armstrong kicking about before the Luton game, I originally thought that Chris Armstrong had had a dose of the Michael Jackson's, the pigment looked to had changed.

Nope, Turner had signed the wrong Chris Armstrong. This one came from the mighty Queen Of The South. Terrible. 

Turner ditched him after nine games and one goal, according to Soccerbase, never played again.     

"Uninterested"

Before people start slagging me off for placing such a young player into the now infamous Hall Of Shame, cast your minds back to the Carlisle United game in October 2005 and tell me one good reason why Carl Ikeme shouldn't be placed in here.

You can excuse him for the schoolboy prank that enabled Shrewsbury a point when he rolled out the ball in injury time (when County were 2-1 up!?!?!?!?), allowing the striker who was poised behind him to nip in, steal the ball and roll it into the empty net.

You can look past the umpteen times he came for crosses that he ain't gonna get, but, when unchallenged, to punch the ball into his own net is just inexcusable, isn't it?

And, for the record, he was also at fault for Carlisle's second and fourth goals as well. Was rated at Wolves and was tipped to go far in the game, but on the whole looked uninterested at County and also let in TWENTY TWO GOALS in just nine games. So Carl, what went wrong? Young? - Maybe. Lacking in confidence? Possibly. Complete nobhead who should have been shipped back to Wolves on the fastest train out of Stockport after that Carlisle game? Yes, you got it.

100% prime candidate for waster of the season, and in my opinion one of the worst keepers every to wear a County keepers top. 

"A Waste Of Air, Not Just Shirt"

Where do we start? "Marvellous" is an adjective that seriously couldn't ever be used to describe striker Marvin Robinson.

Joined County from Walsall with an impressive strike rate of four goals in four games, but joined the many of looking good before joining County. Never looked like getting anywhere near the ball, never mind putting a shot anywhere near the goal. Failed to achieve any elavation when jumping so consequently didn't win many headers. In fact, in a total of three games there was a header count and reached half a dozen, four of which were unchallenged, one was off his shoulder and one in our own box defending a corner.

Add in a colourful past including convictions for robbery and assaulting a woman and you've got a true waste of air, not just shirt.

An interesting fact about Marvin is that current club Lincoln City is his TENTH league club, and quite ironic that also, the Imps are the also the TENTH club not to spend money on him!!!

Many thanks to SKC for his nomination... 

"Milk Turned Quicker"

Let's be honest, although Branchy did the unthinkable and leaving us for The Dingles, he had made a bright start in a County shirt after joining us after slapping Tranmere Rovers in the face with a fat tuna, and getting a couple of goals and winning a penalty against Watford with a dive Leon Taylor would be proud of. 

After one game on TV Meggers said of him, "I told him you've got two good feet, lightning pace and you're good in the air. What you doing playing for Stockport?"  

Then things went rapidly downhill, mainly because you could see it in his face that he just couldn't be arsed anymore. Megson sacked him after an entirely effort-free performance and he moved to the Clowns soon afterwards. After his move to the East Lancashire ghetto, he managed to turn Burnley from a decent-ish side to that who were turned over at home by Gillingham 5-0 and Citeh 6-0. 
     This piece found from a Scummers site summed him up - Graham Branch is cited by Tranmere as being as good as Best on his day. Unfortunately that was Pete Best. Thankfully they off-loaded him to Stockport when finding out what a lazy sod he was, they now assume he vanished into obscurity. Not quite.

Thanks to Ken May...

"His Tackle Even Made Roy Keane Wince"

Known as "The Exocet" for his enormous throw-ins whilst at the Plastic Scousers and one of Carlton Palmer's first signings, "Chally" was more of a sponge than a rock of our defence.
Apart from ending the career of Martin Pringle with one of the worst challenges ever seen, "Chally" was best known for hoofing the ball 40 metres into the air, without it ever actually clearing the County penalty area.
Big Dave was supposed to be the captain but he played like a timid schoolboy. To me, he often looked so scared that he was on the verge of crying. He was so slow he made John Daly look like Linford Christie and his distribution from the back was similar to that of a Sunday league player at Hough End.

He can now be seen plying his trade at Giggle Lane, Bury.

Thanks to Weissel for supplying the words...

"Always Offside"

I thought it was a great move when lawson joined from Bury, but I'd better be objective and reserve full judgement until he's touched the ball.

I waited EIGHT WEEKS!!!

This guy started at Huddersfield (his home town) where he was a trainee, was binned off to the public urinal that is Blackpool and on to Gigg Lane where he scored a hatful of goals, (11 goals in 20 league apps - not bad) But when he arrived at EP it was as though he'd been cast a spell from Grotbags - Oh My God was he a lazy bag of shite.

Always offside (I don't mean marginal, I mean 'miles'). Well off the pace. Couldn't keep up with the pace of Chris Allen, Ian Moore or Kevin Cooper, and couldn't even raised a smile! Even when he scored his first goal against Barnsley at EP he just raised a fist and trotted back to the centre circle. Trying to spark a conversation with him meant him communicating, which he obviously couldn't do - at EP one day he just grunted sommat in that annoying Wisyoksha twang as he trundled past me. Not obviously as crap as Wilbraham, Mike or Daly, but still an ill spent £150,000.

I think what summed up Lawson was that when compling this tribute to him, even Google Images headn't heard of him, hence the only sporting Ian Lawson (pictured) was this International rower. Seems appropriate as County's Lawson was also better going backwards too!

"Rated At Rochdale, Hated At County"

When Paul Jones, Toddy and Davie Jones made their EP departure to the dizzy heights of the Premier League in 1997, new boss Gary Megson spent what turned out to be a small fortune, paying Rochdale 200k for Ian Gray.

The floppy haired Chris Packham lookalike became one of the reasons County sat towards the bottom of the First Division and only sustained wins and clean sheets when Megson saw his arse with the useless Gray and opted for the slightly better (but still a Hall Of Shamer) Eric Nixon.

Gray flapped at crosses, was terrible getting down to low shots and showed total naivity in a higher division. Gray was highly rated at his former club, and there was rumours that Meggers snapped him up under the noses of a few top sides, but after a few games, it materialised that these 'top sides' were from Uzbekistan and Malta.

Starting in a defence which contained Flynny, Gannon, McIntosh and ably assisted by Tony Dinning, goals managed to go through Gray like a Saturday night vindaloo. In fact Gray had only kept two clean sheets in his three seasons at County. A goal-less bore in August 1997 when champions Bury came to EP and then an amazing 2½ years later at Tranmere, although Carlo Nash broke his finger and was subbed for Gray. 

At Mansfield away in the cup in 1997, a naive Gray raced Rene Aguita style out of his box and totally missed the ball, and over the two legs (against bottom division opposition remember) managed to let in seven goals. What epitomised his crapness (for the want of a better word) was the final day of the 98-99 season (which incidentally was Megson's last game also) when his flapping and fumbling and total lack of any communication to the back four caused County to lose 5-0 to an already relegated Oxford United.

"A Striker...?"

17 goals in 101 games for a striker says it all.

Niall Quinn must have been sniffing glue when he labelled Daly as "The future of Irish football".

How this player managed to con at least three County managers (ok, history will judge them all as crap managers) before Chris Turner sussed him out is totally remarkable. However he didn't con one single County supporter.

When he eventually left County apparently Hartlepool United paid money for him, albeit an "indisclosed fee."  Frankly I'd have taken 5lbs of King Edwards personally. Has had more haircuts than goals for County and if this player has got 'Professional Footballer' as his job description on his passport, he should be prosecuted under The Trades Description Act.

...many thanks for Malcolm Hatton for his nomination

"£15,000 A Game!"

This guy was finally shown the County door after what was deemed to have been a VERY expensive 2½ years for SCFC.

Hailed as some sort of superstar at Maine Road, so much that after signing professional terms in 1995 with City, he was palmed off to us for £60k. I mean in the current stakes of multi-million pound transfers this isn't much, but let me spell it out for you - "SIXTY THOUSAND POUNDS". 

Played a total of 4 games and bench warmed for another five making County spending £15,000 for every game. Hasten to add, never found the net, in fact I don't think he hit the target and always used to zoom in and out of Edgeley Park in a old Beemer and swaggered around the pitch as if he was on loan. 

Was carted off to Doncaster, binned him off to the might of Leek Town, Hednesford Town and Northwich Vics. 

Alan Ball must have been laughing his squeeky little head off when Elwood let loose with £60,000 for this peg-legger!   

"What A Total NightMair"

Signed for County pre-season from Scottish Premier League also-rans Dundee with a CV showing a wealth of experience of playing against the finest sides north of the border.

Initially it looked as though Sammy Mac had got a fine strapping defender, but when he couldn't jump, limp as a wet lettuce in the tackle, looked as comfortable as Lord Archer in the Scrubs shower room when on the ball and even a straight forward textbook five or six yard pass was hard to complete, it didn't take a genius to realise this fella was a pile of jizzy wank!

When things got tough at County, Lee phoned old boss Jim Duffy at Dundee to express his burning desire to re-sign to the Dens Park club. Then, after D.F.C.'s bold attempts to move heaven and earth in order to re-sign their man, Mair piledrives a huge 12in dildo up the arses of Dundee FC by not only blatantly using his old boss to nurse his bruised ego but then uses them to up his own ante and finally ends up signing for Dundee United! 

A Crap player and total primadonna all rolled into one.

"What A Let Down!"

Came to Edgeley Park armed with an impressive CV of international caps and a long and illustrious career with West Brom, Bolton and Fortuna Sittard, so at County our palms were moist in anticipation of a long overdue goalscoring midfielder. 

But, (and its a big 'but') spent most of the game like a kid who doesn't want to play stuck out on the wing and waited for the ball to come to him. He wondered for ages which colours County played in and then when the penny dropped, were more concerned about looking good with his Michael Bolton hair cut. "There goes Sneekes...and there goes his hair"

I remember one game evening game at EP, he got the ball on the wing at the Vernon side, found some space, pulled back the trigger and hoofed the ball into the Main Stand! On the whole he looked weathered and well and truly past it. Was traded off to a then shit Hull City.

Then it finally dawned on us, when he spoke of his Dutch Caps, we realised which Dutch caps he meant...

"The new Michael Owen? George Michael more like!!!"

The Scousers, who loaned Maxwell to a then Andy Kilner-guided County, had apparently held the Welsh under-21 International very highly, but I would have rather had seen him held from a noose.

Had a look of a Lee Hughes / Gary Megson hybrid and was shit personified! 

Was appalling, absolutely limp in the tackle, went up for every header with eyes clammed shut like a first year getting beaten by a fifth year, had the first touch of an rhino and with only a couple of goals to his name, made Ali Gibb look like a 20 goal a season man.

A definite case of  'Run Forrest', as often he would run straight for the corner flag. Thank Christ we never took him on after the season long loan.  

"£400,000 of pure unadulterated shit!"

When push comes to shove, Buxton born Benjamin Burgess (illiteration Ahoy) surely has to be one of, if not THE laziest forward to put on a County shirt!

Ben was signed to take the striking burden off Luke Beckett when he joined from Blackburn Rovers after what was a very successful loan period at Brentford where he scored 17 goals and really looked the biz. 

Unfit and looked at least a stone overweight in his time at County, he made Russell Grant look like Jarvis Cocker as he wobbled about Edgeley Park looking like George Best after a bender with his pals Danny Baker and Chris Evans. The County faithful were not impressed. 

BB didn't score in his first dozen or so games before he managed to knock one in off his shin against the mighty Cheltenham. Hit the woodwork with a Ronnie Rosenthal-esque miss and then was loaned out to Ice Station Zulu where again he failed to score. Now at Moneybags Hull where he's injured, presumed out in the boozer. 

Brentford's physio must have administered Ben a 'fat and shit' pill at Griffin Park on his departure. 

"Head Like The Top Back Of A Piano!"

His place in the HoS was summed up when he headed the ball behind for a corner and one bloke behind me shouted 'Unlucky Albie!"

For a guy who stood over 6ft tall in stocking feet and for someone who seemed to score for fun with James Flood in County's youth team, what is beyond me is how come Aaron Thomas Wilbraham scored very few and ran like he had crapped his pants?

We all brown-nosed Albie when he scored against the Scum in 1998 on his debut, but really failed miserably from then on. The most he scored in one season was 12 goals in 2000-01 and even when he was carted off to Norway as part of his probation for bottling a bloke outside a Stockport bar (allegedly), failed to hit the target.

Now some might say that a 1 in 3 strike rate isn't too bad for a striker (118 appearances, 35 goals) but it was the misses that made him a prime contender for the Hall Of Shame.

Misses from inside the six yard box that sail high and wide, headers that my cat could score and with the first touch of Douglas Bader. What completely took the piss was when he returned to EP with Oldham and Hull and not only won more headers in the first-half then he did in eight years as a player at EP, but scored THREE bloody goals!

"Incompetent!" 

As if the injury time heartbreaker wasn't enough to upset the County faithful.

Charlery was brought in by Dave Jones for £75,000 from Peterborough and arrived with Gordon Cowans to give the promotion push a bit of experience and presence.

This dopey git was the man who broke every single County fan's heart at Wembley in the play-off final and when he arrived at County, it was obvious he was to sustain that pain a little longer.

Was totally incompetent around the box and in a game against York City at Edgeley Park, Kevin Cooper did the hard bit by losing the last defender and lashed the ball across the face of goal, Charlery stopped it going in, controlled it, (this is 4 yards out by the way ) dilly-dallied, faffed about, panicked and then passed backwards.

One positive thing was he was never on a losing County side, but he never scored either!

"0% commitment, 100% bad language."

"Aussie International Signs" said the official web site. Oh. My. God. Have we signed Harry Kewell?

No, Jason Bloody Van Blerk, the bad mouthed eijit who was at West Brom for years and nearly maimed Kevin Cooper at The Hawthorns! 

We may well have signed Jason Donovan...! We gave him the time and big (alleged) money. He added literally nothing to County. Played 14 times (1 in league cup) and left a lasting impression on a Preston players' shin and was deservedly red carded, subsequently in his last County game.

Mainly remembered for his x-rated verbal tirade at the linesman at the Vernon Stand side during the days when we gave away free kids tickets. Mmm Classy!

"County Play In Blue!"

All hail...! Probably the worst player ever to play for County.

Republic Of Ireland International McGoldrick played at USA 94, so we were very very flattered that "Steady" (sic) Eddie chose to sign on loan for Gary Megson's County towards the end of the (largely successful) 1997-98 season from our lovely and friendly neighbours Manchest-oh Citeh. 

His first game at EP he was rather akin to Billy Casper's attempt at football in 'Kes' - just couldn't be arsed - then with a minute remaining, he aimlessly lunged at a Crewe player in the box, giving away the winning penalty.

His second and thankfully last game was against City at Maine Road where he might as well had come out wearing a City shirt.

Zero acknowledgement towards the County fans, promptly went to sign autographs in the Kippax, applauded the City fans and played like he was a City player. Megson apparently wiped the floor with him and shipped him back to City where he (thankfully) never played again.

This showed complete and utter contempt for a professional footballer and showed what a complete and utter tool he was...! 

Note the dates - Thirteen Days, but possibly leaving a lifetime of misery and mayhem for all concerned with Stockport County.        

"The Antipodean Ape!"

Anyone remember this bloke?

Australian 'striker' who played a handful of games for County at the start of the 1997-98 season? Somehow managed to stay a Hatter until the end of the season before being dumped off to a footballers' version of Room 101. 

Dumfounded County fans as he ran around Edgeley Park like a headless chicken (mainly on the left wing if I recall correctly) although purchased as a striker, built more like a Tight Head Prop with the face like that funnt looking fella off Deee-lite

Scored absolutely nothing but did bamboozle away Public Address systems - I remember at QPR he was announced four times and all four were pronounced differently.

"Eric Is A City Fan"

Journeyman and typical Scouse half-wit Nixon single handedly gifted his beloved Manchester City a Division One lifeline when his 'totally inept and very unprofessional' actions at Maine Road when County were humbled 4-1 in very controversial circumstances.

He managed to fumble an Ian Bishop daisy-cutter going at approximately 1.3mph into the path of Shaun Goater to allow the jug-eared one a bundle over a debut goal. Then raced aimlessly out of his goal towards the onrushing Lee Bradbury who neatly clipped the ball past a deserted Nixon. 

Let's not get carried away about one particular game here, In general fumbled most crosses, placed a back spin on his kicks which just bounced of a midfielders head and we were on the defence again, was appalling on one-on-ones and seemed to save most of his howlers whilst playing for County.

The worst (or best!?!) being the failure to stop another limp shot at West Brom. The ball managed to slip off the inside of Nixon's leg and then roll agonisingly towards the goal and rather than racing to collect, just watched as fellow Hall Of Shamer Richard Sneekes saved his bacon tapping the ball over the line.

'Dodgy Keeper'? You got it! 

"Premier League? You're Having A Laff!"

One month on loan. 4 games. Goals conceded - 13 (THIRTEEN)...!

Tim Flowers, won a Premier League Winners medal with Blackburn Rovers in 1995 also stepped out for the Three Lions on several occasions, came on a month's loan from Leicester City and not only brought a wealth domestic and European experience to what was a very young County defence, but also a supposedly cool, calm a collected head into a very inexperienced team. 

"How did he do?" "How did he get on?" I hear you ask!

His first game - County 0 Millwall 4. Second game - County 0 Walsall 2. Third game lucky? Erm...No effing chance - Preston 6 County 0 and finally Watford 1 County 1.

We might have well have put Stephen Hawking in net. 

"Overweight, Overpaid and over-the-limit!"

A simple critique of Mr Carrigan would be - Never looked bothered!

he looked like he would rather be sat in a pub swigging Stella than playing 'futba'. Apparently hardly turned up for training and couldn't even managed a smile, even his picture suggests that he'd sucked on a lemon. 

Thankfully, he only started three games for County, finding himself a bench warmer for most of his year at Stockport. (incidentally, but not surprisingly, his only English Club)

Arrived at EP from the mighty Clyde where he scored a shed-load of goals in a division consisting of mechanics, roofers and shepherds.

Brought to Nationwide Division One playing proper seasoned professionals and after one goal - which so happened to be an EP winner against Sheffield Wednesday which gave him his fifteen minutes of fame - was never going to set English football alight.

Frankly was far too slow for the First Division, looked overweight (I know you are thinking Kettles and pots at the moment...!), shat himself against bruising 6ft English defenders and generally disinterested. 

Then he went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like a getting a drink driving ban.

"Nearly £6,000,000 paid for him!"

A controversial entrant into the Hall Of Shame?

Maybe? maybe not? But how this guy won England caps I don't know, although considering the England boss at the time was Graham Taylor, the person who chose Andy Sinton and Tony Daley over a certain young Englishman called Giggs, seeing Jug Ears don the Three Lions wasn't as surprising as you think.

Played like Bambi on ice, late in the challenge, caught well off the pace many many times and reminded me of Jah-Jah Binks and played like him too.

Good thing about Carlton was, as he was the player-boss, he often subbed himself to the roar of approval from the Cheadle End Masseef, but didn't take away from the fact that he should have been head and shoulders the best player in the division, but showed himself to be a very very poor player.

It was a tad ironic that on the 8th February 2003 CP finished his playing career in style, with a red card at Cheltenham, then moved to Mansfield when he was equally hated when he managed to turn them utterly shite too.

Now in between the odd cameo role on BBC as an 'expert', is said to be running a very successful estate agency - 'Quality Apartments in Dudley?' - My Arse. 

"How Could I Have Forgetten This Muppet?"

The attempted over head-kick against Sunderland at The Stadium Of Light said it all - Limp.

Wayne came to EP originally on loan from Wrexham, who of course were a massive club and Megson - impressed by his pin-point accuracy of picking out fans in the crowd with the ball - bought this steamy turd.

If you took the lack of control, the constant hoofs upfield to Brett Angell and the aimless running into defenders, you might just have got yourself a decent ball playing midfielder.

Then again, shouldn't you have to play the ball to be a ball playing midfielder? I think most of the goals conceded against County in the two season at EP (can you believe it, this muppet was getting paid for what he did for two bloody seasons!) were made by a sloppy Phillips pass. I don't recollect he ever scored for County and was truly a bad player for County in monolithic proportions. 

"Rodney Trotter In Gloves"

This goon from Middlesbrough was so bad it was almost laughable, but it certainly wasn't at the time, the Cheadle End were baying for his blood!

As a regular in the lower tier, he certainly heard my comments...! The game was Bristol City at EP. The date will be etched in my mind forever - it was the 28th December 2002. 

A largish crowd, a decent away following from the South West and Jones, an Australian keeper on loan, was making his debut - legs like sticks - seen more meat on Fred Elliott's pencil. Stood about 6ft 5in. Looked like Fido Dido off the old 7-Up adverts!

The keeper's shirt was far too big for him, in fact, to complete the freak show, he may as well have worn his mum's Marigolds as gloves. First touch? Picking the ball out of the net, his second? Yes you've guessed it. Even ran out aimlessly to the edge of the box to claim a ball he obviously didn't call for as the ball rolled into an empty net. County lost 4-1!

Anyone Else You Can Think Of?

There has got to be a former County player that has made you literally pull out your hair, if so, then don't be shy, nominate your County Clown by emailing us with a short paragraph why he should be placed in the Controversial Hall Of Shame.

It can be controversial, it might seem very obvious, but please if we have missed someone out, then for God's sake tell us.

We haven't had any nominations for Luke Beckett or Kevin Francis yet. Wonder why?